From Shock to Gratitude


At first I was in shock. Nothing life threatening or anything like that, but for me it was a big deal. An eleven year job over. In a blink of an eye, all my relationships changed. Yes, I am one of those who truly believe that people are honest. It has taken me 37 years to learn how to trust myself instead. Not many are honest and it does not matter. My guru, Swami Parthasarathy, taught me to lead the way; do what you are supposed to do, and don’t worry about who is full of shit, (my words not his). Our job in life is to become the best version of ourselves, and not by kissing the you know whats of others. Because that is a full time job leading nowhere, ending up in disappointment.

My release, we will call it ;) was a blessing in disguise. Although work was a mess for a long time, I held on because of my role, my love of what I do, and the people involved. It was comfortable and I was making a decent living. The point is, we are meant to grow and evolve. We are not made to get stuck in muck. When we do, it is hard to get out of it. I went from being totally shocked in a pile of muck to being fully grateful, rising above the swamp, like a lotus leaf! How? Well, for one thing, I stopped taking everything so darn personal. Sheesh, it is not all about ME, and thank God for that!

When Swamji says, “attach you lose, detach you gain”, I did not truly understand its full meaning until I actually applied it. This break up was the perfect chance to set myself free. Because of my attachment to what I did, where I did it, and who I did it with, I lost. When it was over, I felt betrayed by so many who I believed had my back, were my friends, and close colleagues. How could they? I knew these feelings were on me, that nobody controls others.  But damnit, I still felt that way and could not believe the fall out and reactions of those I thought I knew and knew me. The shock shook me. I was deeply hurt. My hurt took me to some dark places, but that just did not seem right. So I lifted myself up, dug myself out of a hole and rose above. Restoring my vision and higher goal in life is what pulled me out of the mud. Looking back, I say thank you so much. I now can move forward, and I know who has my back. If, for some reason I am wrong, it is ok. I’ve got my own back!

When something big happens, whatever the magnitude, we can go from initial shock to gratitude. Where there is attachment, there will be pain. This does not mean we have to protect ourselves from everyone and everything and live in a bubble. This means have an understanding of changes, turns, fluctuations, and never depend on any job, person, place, or thing for our own happiness. Nobody can possibly be responsible for that, only we can. How many times did I say, “I cannot believe he or she said that, or did that, or did not respond, or lied, or took advantage… or, or, or, or... “? I suggest not going there. It is a dead end.

What are we feeding; shock or gratitude? Let us be thankful to all those who have betrayed, abused, misused, miscommunicated and misguided us, and not take it personal. Even if it was meant to hurt, it is up to us to control how much we are affected. We have a choice in this! Every hurdle we jump over, our legs become stronger. Sometimes we do not make it over, and we fall. Get back up and train again, jump again. Then look back and say thank you, what a freaking gift!

My shock was selfish as it was all about me, poor me. This attitude got me nowhere. As soon as I stopped thinking about myself and started thinking about how best to serve others, my shock transformed into immense gratitude. This powerful and positive force catapulted me out of where I was and into where I am. The fact of the matter is that we cannot thrive with negativity surrounding us. When we get to see anyone’s true colors, we should be jumping for joy. Usually it takes something pretty horrible for this to happen. When it does, smile and wait. Sit back and watch. You will be able to see everything crystal clear.

There was a shock. It shook me up. I woke up from my slumber. I regained my confidence. An ideal was put in place; people came; a team was formed; gratitude took over, with no regrets, staying true to higher goals. Whoever wants to be a part of it, will. No force is needed. “Nothing forced is ever forceful”. Swamiji